Conference to Discuss Tyra

Tyra has been struggling in school for a really long time. Almost since she started I remember being concerned that she just wasn’t getting it. She has difficulty with both reading and math and because every other subject revolves around those ones she just struggles in everything. I remember expressing concern to Mrs Spaulding, her kindergarten teacher, and being told “Oh, Tyra can read.” But as soon as Tyra got home she couldn’t, or at least that was what Tyra must have wanted me to think. Last year, in second grade, she was put into a reading tutoring program called double dosing. She would stay after school a couple days a week and get extra practice with reading. But at the end of last year, when she was filling out a packet that was supposed to be a review of the whole year, and she couldn’t do any of it, I felt like maybe she should repeat second grade. Her teacher, Mrs Gustafson, told me that they “really REALLY don’t like doing that” and she said that Tyra would be fine, and they went ahead and moved her up to third grade. This year started with their regular evaluations in the fall, and her teacher, Mrs Nelson, told me that she is a year behind in her level of reading, to which I am of course thinking, “see, I knew we should have had her repeat second grade!” Kyle and I thought that maybe we should have Tyra evaluated to be sure that there wasn’t something more serious going on. Sometimes we would wonder if her difficulties in school were somehow linked to her bed wetting issue. We also kicked around the idea that maybe her near drowning accident might have caused deeper damage than we had thought. So we asked her teacher how we can go about having her evaluated. First we were required to wait for her teacher to go through six weeks of interventions with her. This was a period of time where her teacher would pull her aside during class and help her work on practicing reading, but they weren’t just reading books. Mrs Nelson has a big book of columns, and Tyra would have to read down the columns as quickly as she could without messing up. The first columns were just a couple of letters put together and Tyra would just have to read the sounds, and as soon as she could do it in under the specified time, she could move on to the next set.

After the interventions period, Mrs Nelson had to recommend Tyra for further evaluation, and then we had to wait a few more weeks before that could begin. In the meantime, someone had recommended that I ask the school psychologist to observe her in her classroom, and when I asked if this could be done I got an email from the school psychologist asking me what she is supposed to be observing Tyra FOR? I didn’t know how to answer that. Tyra obviously is having some problems, and I am not there to see why, and her teacher is busy with all of the students in her class, so she can’t really sit there and pay attention to just Tyra. I was told that observing the child is just something the school psychologist is supposed to do, I don’t know how they are supposed to be doing their job! Finally in mid November I heard from a resource teacher at the school about filling out some paperwork so that they can begin an evaluation. Of course by that point school had already been in session for nearly three months and was therefore a third of the way through.  Kyle and I got the paperwork filled out one night and got it sent back to the school and they were able to begin testing. The testing took several weeks to complete, and with the holidays in there, there were several non-school days so that felt like it slowed the testing down a bit.

Here we are mid February now, and we had our conference to discuss the evaluation results today! They went over the answers that Kyle and I had put down on a survey that was part of the paperwork and showed us how that score made it look like Tyra was having serious problems (and that really was how it looked to us: she really seemed to be having serious problems), and Mrs Nelson’s answers for the same questions, had a score that made it look like there was some concern but nothing nearly as big as the concern that Kyle and I were having. So then they talked about the things that the school psychologist had noticed. She sat in the class to watch Tyra and saw that Mrs Nelson would instruct the class on the topics for the day, and then she would sit down and instruct Tyra. Also they told us about how they tested Tyra and they told us that basically what it boils down to is Tyra just has a focus problem, and they did not find any learning disabilities. Based on the testing it showed that Tyra would get several math problems in a row correct, but then every math problem after that wrong because she lost interest and just wanted to be done with it. Same thing with reading; she would read a bit and then start making things up because she was impatient and just wanted to be finished! So based on that, they found that she does have all the tools she needs to figure things out. When she stops long enough to think things through she CAN and DOES figure them out, but she would rather be doing something else and so tries to get out of it as quickly as she can.

I am glad that there is no underlying problem. Focus is something that can be worked on. I’ve heard that using a timer is a great tool in teaching someone to focus, so we will have to give that one a try. Of course I do kind of feel like this year has been a bit of a waste. I thought last year that she should repeat second grade, and so far all this year she doesn’t seem to be improving and here we are six months into the school year, and we finally have the results from the evaluations. School gets out in about three months from now. But at least now we know that it’s just that she needs to practice focusing, and now we get to decide how we are going to do that.

Conversations of Christmas

I was in the kitchen shaping snow globe cookies when I hear this conversation in the living room:

Tyra: Guess what Dinah, we saw Santa at the school today.
Jeremy: He wasn’t the real Santa.
Tyra: Ya huh!
Jeremy: No. His beard…was…PLAS-TIC!

Later as I was shaping more cookies I heard this other conversation between my boys:

Jeremy: You know what the candy cane presents?
Ethan: Represents? A “J” for Jesus, and the shepherds crook.
Jeremy: HOW DID YOU KNOW!?!?
Ethan: Because I’m smart.
Jeremy: Do you know what the lights on the tree represent?
Ethan: The light of Christ.
Jeremy: No! They represent the stars!
Ethan: No. They represent the light of Christ.

I love that my children can believe in Santa Claus, but that they also know that Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of our Savior.

Lunch dilema

Every morning I deal with the struggle of finding something for my kids to take to school for lunch. I’m always looking for new ideas because having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich EVERY day, gets old fast. I mean, that’s what my mom used to send me to school with and I NEVER want to eat another peanut butter and jelly sandwich again. But I am getting really sick of sending my kids with a lunch, only to find that they didn’t eat it. Sometimes I don’t find it until much later and it’s a really nasty old lunch in a baggie at the bottom of their backpack or under a pile of their backpacks and jackets on the floor of the entry way. That is just extremely nasty. But here is another problem, if I don’t send my kids to school with a lunch, the school feeds them and then sends me a bill! Now we really can’t afford to be doing school lunch every day. A school lunch costs $1.75, and I’ve got three kids in school during lunch time. That’s $5.25 to get them all a school lunch for a day. $26.25 for a week. $105 per month. That’s a lot of money! But it’s just wasteful to send them with food that they are just going to try to hide from me because they didn’t eat it. So I’ve had some people suggest that I have my kids make their own lunches. I do like that idea. However, I think I need to go grocery shopping before I can start that so they actually have something to put in their lunches. 🙂 Then we will give it a try and see how it goes.

Wanderlust

Last year, Tyra stayed after school three days a week to get help with reading (they call it double dose). At first it was alright because one of the girls I babysat also stayed late for the double dose tutoring, and so they walked home together. However, as soon as the other little girl advanced enough in her reading that they felt she was ok without it, she stopped going, which meant that she walked home with Ethan and her older sister, leaving Tyra walking home alone. On her own Tyra started taking other routes home. She tried to convince us that they were shortcuts. I tried pointing out that there isn’t a shorter route home than the most direct route. There were even some times when she came home super late, or just didn’t come home. On these occasions I would send Kyle a message letting him know that she hadn’t come home, then I would post something on our neighborhood facebook wall.  Once when she didn’t come home and I posted on the wall, one of our neighbors said that she was playing at her house, and asked if I wanted her home. Another time posting didn’t yield any results and I had to load all of my other kiddos up in the van to go drive around and find her. I found her playing with some girls on the next street over. Their family had just moved into the neighborhood and apparently her parents weren’t on the neighborhood wall, or just weren’t on facebook and they had no idea that I was looking for her. Tyra had told them that it was alright for her to be there.

This year she is in double dosing again. I had told her teacher when we first started it for this year that I was concerned about Tyra walking home on her own because her brothers would get out on time, and she would be all by herself when she gets out. And I told her teacher about how Tyra wouldn’t come straight home last year when she was supposed to walk all by herself. Her teacher tried to reassure me, and I gave in and said we would give it a try. So today when she didn’t come home I went through my standard procedure. I waited, checking down the street frequently for nearly an hour after school got out. I sent Kyle a message telling him that she hadn’t come home, but this time I couldn’t rely on him to come home and help find her, considering he was in Springfield Oregon! Then I loaded all the kids up in the van to go look for her.

I started my search at the school. That was that last place that she was supposed to be, and there was one time in the past that she didn’t come home and I found her out on the playground with some friends. She ran when she saw me coming that time. This time, she wasn’t there.

I got back in the car and decided to go check Walden Park. She has gone on walking field trips with her class to this park in the past, and there had been times when I heard her talking to the boys about having gone there after school. Today, she wasn’t there either.

I then decided to drive by Pioneer park. It is just down our street, and we occasionally take the kids there. After driving by three sides of Pioneer park, it was obvious that she wasn’t there either.

Next I thought that I should check the little HOA park on the next street over. We found her there once with a couple of kids that used to live a few houses down. She wasn’t there either.

I decided to stop by the house to briefly check to see if maybe she was home now sitting on the porch, and when she wasn’t I went inside to see if anyone had responded to my post on our neighborhood wall, but nobody had commented with knowledge of her whereabouts.

Next I decided to start checking friends houses. I went to her friend Carley’s house and asked if she came over to play. But she hadn’t and Carley’s mom was just shocked that she hadn’t come home yet. Then I went to her friend Eve’s house. Eve had been over about 3:30ish to ask if Tyra could come over to play. I told her that Tyra wasn’t home yet and that she was supposed to be home very soon. I thought maybe when Eve was walking back home, maybe Tyra was on our way to our house and they might have met on the sidewalk and Eve might have asked her to come over from there. Unfortunately when I spoke to Eve’s mom, Tyra wasn’t there either.

By this time I was beginning to be frantic. After checking each place I had sent Kyle a message letting him know where I was checking and that she wasn’t there. And now I was out of ideas. Kyle probably felt useless being so far away and unable to just hop in his car and head home to help. He looked up the phone number for the sheriff’s office and gave them a call.

I got a phone call from one of the deputies and he asked me her name, and her age and what she looks like and when she was supposed to have gotten out of school and he asked what she was wearing. A light pink t-shirt with brown print from girl scout day camp, jeans, pink and black tennis shoes, light pink zippered hoodie, and she had a pink back pack with an argyle print and hearts on it. He said that he was going to go over and check at the school, he gave me his phone number and said to call him if she got home and if she wasn’t home by the time he finished checking at the school then he would come over.

I proceeded to throw something together for dinner for my other kiddos. It was already past dinner time (I usually serve dinner at 5) and Lydia especially was starting to be cranky because she was hungry. I got some hot dogs out of the freezer and started a pot of macaroni and cheese.

Deputy Rog (I could totally be misspelling his name) came over and told me that she doesn’t appear to be at the school “It’s locked up tight”. Again he asked me what she was wearing and and he asked what we had done to find her. I told him of my posting on the neighborhood facebook wall and of my search of the school and every park in the neighborhood and of my going to her friend’s houses. Then he said that he was going to call another officer over to our house, and that they would search the house. Then, if they didn’t find her here, they would call the Sargent and plan our next move. All of this was so terrifying to me. I knew that she wasn’t in the house, but really when a child goes missing where else do you start the search? So he called the other officer and asked him to come assist him. Eve’s mom came over to ask if we had found her yet, and when I said that we hadn’t she asked if I needed her to watch my other kiddos. I explained the deputy’s plan and I said that when we knew what the next step was I would let her know if I needed her to watch them for me. I sat the other kids down and fed them, while the officers searched the house. When it came time for them to check the basement I unlocked the door and let them down. They had just finished their search and were beginning to tell me what happens next when one of our neighbors called into the house from the porch. I ran to the front door and she had Tyra with her. She had seen my post on the neighborhood wall hours ago and thought that we probably found her, but then she saw Tyra walking down the street by her house and she put Tyra in her car and brought her home. I was nearly in tears, and I asked Tyra where she was. She said that she was at her friend Aleecia’s house. I have no idea who Aleecia is, and they don’t live in our ward so I don’t know where she lives either, and that would explain why they didn’t see my post on facebook asking if anyone had seen her.

The officers were both glad that we had a happy ending. They asked me a few more questions so they could make out their reports to account for their time, and then they left. I immediately posted on facebook that she had been found so my neighbors would all know that everything was alright now, and I called Kyle to tell him. Then I fed Tyra her dinner and got the kids to bed.

Tyra has no idea how serious what she has done is. She was shocked to find the police here and even more shocked to find out they were in our house because we were looking for HER. She knew where she was and she thinks that makes everything ok. As I mentioned before, this isn’t the first time that she hasn’t come home after school. So she has had the lecture on why it’s not safe and why she must come straight home. It doesn’t seem to be sinking in. At this point, I am deciding to pull her out of double dosing. I understand she needs the help with her reading, but her safety is far more important to me. I am also going to need to have a meeting with her teacher to explain that Tyra is not allowed to just walk home on her own, but that her brothers must come get her so they can all walk home together. I just don’t know how to get her to understand that I only want her safety. For the time being, I’m just glad she is home and Kyle comes home tomorrow.